Date of Award


Degree Type


Degree Name

Departmental Honors


Down at the hospital the other day the ambulance brought us an old German lady who had fallen down on Main Street. We admitted her in east wing and found no bodily damage, but did discover that she was thoroughly drunk. We removed her warmed-over cabbage tennis shoes and were in the process of replacing her Salvation Army discount dress with a hospital gown when three or four bags of Hershey's chocolate kisses fell out from some hidden foyer of her person. All the while she was yelling about her husband's federal pension and how her bishop and the police department would protect her from us. Last night she escaped from the hospital, and I, being the orderly on duty, had to hyperambulate down the street to capture her and return her to east wing, using force if necessary. It was. A half-hour later back in room 6, I was gratified to see 5 cc’s of dilantin enter her left buttock via hypodermic needle because I knew that she would be as happy in dreamland as I was to see her transported there.



Faculty Mentor

Douglas D. Alder