Date of Award:

5-1965

Document Type:

Thesis

Degree Name:

Master of Science (MS)

Department:

Human Development and Family Studies

Department name when degree awarded

Child Development

Committee Chair(s)

Don C. Carter

Committee

Don C. Carter

Abstract

Parenthood is a common experience, in the sense that it is almost universal among married couples, but it is a unique experience in the sense that there are great individual variations in its meaning and its impact upon the life of each parent.

In spite of the many variations in reactions and responses to parenthood, a stereotype reaction seems to prevail. The stereotyped conception of behavior following the conception of a child is for the wife to be filled with some inner joy which causes her to behave mysteriously for a time until she reveals the unsuspected truth to her naive husband. He, when informed of this totally unsuspected event, is expected to respond with surprise and exaggerated concern for his wife's health and well-being. Later, when the baby is born, each is expected to respond with pride, joy, pleasure, and to behave in ways indicating that the arrival of their child has indeed brought the ultimate fulfillment into their personal lives.

The stereotyped picture matches the feelings of some couples, and it matches the behavior of a large number, whose real feelings remain hidden as they act out the expectations of their society.

The purpose of this research is to investigate the variations in responses which occur as a reaction to parenthood. "What does parenthood mean?" "What does it mean to me as an individual with my own goals, values, life experiences, and life expectations?" "What does it mean to have an infant to care for--to nurture, teach, feed, clothe, worry over, with whom one can laugh and play?" And, perhaps more challenging, "What does being a parent do to one's role as a wife or husband--what happens to the marriage?"

It is quite probable that every person has his own feelings about such questions. There will be many similarities in the attitudes held by people who have been reared in a common cultural background. There will, however, likely be individual variations as well. Many of the attitudes taken for granted and passed off as "human nature" are not necessarily the nature of humans, but symptoms of acculturation or adaptation to society. Each individual from infancy is taught by experience and example how best to get along in the society to which be belongs. The prejudices of those who have gone before are impressed upon his mind and, with individual variations, they become his own. From the beginning he is surrounded with evidences of what is valued by those with whom he lives. These values are communicated to him in the process of his development. They are found in the voice of the mother and in the very way she nourishes her newborn. They are found in the shape of the nursery, the colors with which it is decorated, the types of clothes the child is made to wear and the place and time he wears them. We claim that boys look better in blue and girls in pink. This is as traditional as the crib itself and we even use it as a means of identifying the sex. Do boys really look better in blue, or have we just accustomed ourselves to thinking so? Evidences of cultural values are found in the manner and context of the child's education, the type of songs he is taught, the stories his mother reads to him, and the toys he is given with which to play. As he grows older and more and more of the outside world begins to creep into his life, he is exposed to these values through other media such as television, newspapers, magazines, neighbors, teachers and his friends. Maccoby (35) says,

. . . the child acquires a set of adult-like behavior tendencies during early childhood, through covert practice of his parents' actions and . . . these tendencies find their way into overt expression during interaction with peers at a later time when peers provide the necessary stimulating conditions. (35, p. 503)

Let's consider the parenthood problem from the beginning. Why do people marry? Isn't it possible to have a rich, full life, even experience sex and have children and still remain single? Of course, we know that this is possible, but our society frowns upon it. Sirjamaki (46) sums up our attitude.

It is felt that married life is the normal, desired condition for all adults, that it brings the greatest personal happiness and fulfillment, and that it permits the proper exercise of sex for the procreation of children and for individual satisfaction. The single adult life by contrast, according to this attitude, is empty and barren. Most Americans marry in their twenties, and, for a considerable share of them, marriage at that age means a happy union of individual volition and social pressure. (46, p. 3)

Each of us has some preconceived notion concerning parenthood that is not entirely our own. If we happen to belong to society which enjoys children and honors parenthood, we too, shall expect to enjoy children and relish our own parenthood. If we happen to belong to a society which merely tolerates its offspring until they reach adulthood, we would most likely accept this attitude as a most natural one. Dykstra (19) presents an examination of "some of the elements of United States culture that would seem to be combining to produce a relatively high birth rate under apparently unfavorable conditions." The following cultural factors are seen as contributing to the maintenance of the unexpectedly high birth rate:

The persistence of values and thought-ways that are a heritage of an earlier era . . . the feeling that it is socially commendable to produce a substantial number of children remains a part of our social heritage. . . . The customary stereotyping of the large family as the "happy" one. . . . Feelings of guilt regarding the use of contraceptive techniques even among non-Catholics. . . . The permissibility of the combined student-husband (and/or wife) role in the post-WWII period (which) has contributed toward the lowering of the age of marriage (among the upper socio-economic groups and thus the larger number of children). . . . The tendency to regard the birth rate of a nation as a reflection of the land's "virility". . . . The favorable attitude of the business world toward a high national birth rate. . . . The fact that in the face of a lessening impact of such religious doctrines as the immortality of the soul, children provide a lingering evidence of a personal kind that one has passed this way, and, . . . the youth worshipping feature of our culture which makes children desirable in that they enable the aging one to vicariously recapture all the zest and glamour of the youthful period. (19, p. 80-83)

However, even this analysis is far too simplified to explain adequately the reasons for the individual's feelings concerning marriage and parenthood. It must be recognized that within each culture are various subcultures, social groups, and religious affiliations with their own particular codes and creeds. Every individual born into a culture is also born into one of each of these. Religion, for instance, has a powerful effect on many people's lives and greatly influences their way of thinking. Landis says (29) a person's religious or nonreligious orientation is a fundamental part of his personality.

When Malinowski speaks of motherhood and cultural influences he says,

We can . . . say that motherhood is always individual. It is never allowed to remain a mere biological fact. Social and cultural influences always endorse and emphasize the original individuality of the biological fact. These influences are so strong that in the case of adoption they may override the biological tie and substitute a cultural one for it. But statistically speaking, the biological ties are almost invariably merely reinforced, redetermined, and remolded by the cultural ones. This remolding makes motherhood in each culture a relationship specific to that culture, different from all other motherhoods, and correlated to the whole social structure of the community. (37, p. 23)

What about fatherhood? Malinowski points out that biologically the father "might as well be treated as a drone," and describes his job as impregnating the female and then disappearing. However, he adds, "in all human societies the father is regarded by tradition as indispensable. The woman has to be married before she is allowed legitimately to conceive." We have, then, in our communities moral, social, and legal laws concerning parenthood and childrearing.

If we accept all this, then it must be agreed that in our culture, at least, it is the "normal and natural" thing to grow up expecting some day to join the parental ranks. The prestige that parenthood offers, and the smile of approval from society, tend to make this anticipation a pleasant one in most cases. If the person is an extremely religious one, the experience of parenthood might even seem to be almost "glorifying."

In the Mormon culture, for instance, from which the sample for this study was taken, there is great emphasis placed on the importance of the family. To be a parent is one of the most significant purposes of life. The young people in this church are taught almost from infancy that one of their most worthwhile goals is to live a good and wholesome life so that some day they will be worthy to become parents and to become co-partners with God in caring for and teaching His children.

In addition to this cultural picture of parenthood as the way of life for all adults, we have also before us a culturally accepted image of the infant itself which enhances the whole prospect. We refer to the newborn as a "bundle of joy" come to bless the home with its presence. We see its picture everywhere, lest the couple not recognize it, should one come to them. The baby cereal boxes and jars, television commercials, magazine ads, billboards, movies, books, songs, and poems all describe the same small child. He is soft, lovable, cuddly, and sweet smelling. He has blue eyes, blond curly hair, rosy cheeks, and a wide smile. He does nothing but coo and gurgle, suck happily on a bottle, and sleep. Fathers love to bounce their youngsters on their knee, mothers sing them to sleep, and grandparents are so overjoyed at the too infrequent visits they rush to spoil them with cookies and toys. If the young couple seems to be having trouble adjusting to one another and the marriage begins slipping downhill, the ideal solution is to have a baby. This works miracles. The couple then becomes so involved in raising this joint creation their previous marital difficulties disappear. All becomes sweetness and bliss.

The entire picture is a beautiful one, but unfortunately it is not entirely accurate. What if this infant doesn't stick to the rules? What would happen to this young couple if their newborn fails to meet the romantic expectations they have so rosily stored up? For instance, the baby might become slightly deformed because of the rigors of the birth process, and though the deformity be only a temporary one, the shock is nonetheless real. What is the baby does not sleep as much as the parents have been led to expect and they find themselves spending much of their previous "free" time trying to rock, coax, lure, or lull it into sleep, all the time worrying that something must be wrong with their baby? Or, what happens to the blissful picture when the mother finds herself with a child who keeps her up all night then falls asleep during the feedings, only to awake hungry when put back to bed? Suppose a young couple is having marital trouble because they have not yet learned how to communicate with each other. Then, with the arrival of the baby who takes so much of their time they find themselves communicating calmly with one another even less than before. Both are so tired from the nightly feedings they find themselves snapping at one another or bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. Does this sound like the solution to their pre-baby difficulties? Or perhaps the problem has not stemmed from lack of communication at all but is only the outgrowth of a deep-seated worry over finances, grades (if one or the other happens to still be in school), loss of social contact, or lack of understanding concerning role expectations? Does having a baby solve any of these problems of even ease them? Hardly! And again, the couple may be having troubles because one or both are too immature to accept the responsibilities of marriage. They simply were not yet ready to settle down. Does having a baby to care for and worry over increase or decrease the responsibility? Landis and Landis (29) claim:

. . . some people are emotionally and temperamentally unsuited to be parents for the same reasons that they cannot adjust happily in the married state. An emotionally unstable spouse can wreck a marriage whether children are present or not. If there are children, the complications are greater. (29, p. 442)

Sometimes husbands and wives who have lived together for two or three years and have worked out satisfactory relationships in all areas are baffled to find, after the first baby arrives, that new and unexpected differences arise, requiring readjustments in their relationships. The arrival of the first baby is one of the first major occasions calling for readjustments. (29, p. 448)

Koos and Fulcomer, editors of the publication written under the auspices of the National Conference on Family Life, quote Burgess: "Anything which disrupts the usual patterns of interaction, which creates a sharpened insecurity or which blocks the usual patterns of action and calls for new ones--is important." They conclude that a crisis may be caused externally by society, or even internally.

The above discussion has attempted to point out a few of the experiences originating from society and from the individual which may cause a "sharpened insecurity," a "block of usual patterns of action," and a "demand for new ones," or at least a re-evaluation of what is to be expected and then the formulation of patterns suitable to the situation.

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