Date of Award:

5-2023

Document Type:

Thesis

Degree Name:

Master of Science (MS)

Department:

English

Committee Chair(s)

Michael Sowder

Committee

Michael Sowder

Committee

Benjamin Gunsberg

Committee

Cree Taylor

Abstract

This thesis focuses on how my time as a college athlete, my relationship with my mother, and my experience of an abusive relationship have intersected to impact my personal relationship with my body as I have fluctuated between trying to make it perfect, trying to ruin it, and trying to love it. The collection of poems examines how these forces collided in various ways to change how I thought about myself and my identity. After dealing with the idealized version of what a college athlete should look like and act like, inherited trauma from a mother, and trauma from a boyfriend, I developed eating disorders and a conflicted relationship with my body. All together, these poems show the evolution of my development from someone who did not understand why they could not love their body, to someone who could see how each moment of their life added up to teach them not to.

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Poetry Commons

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